Rising Star
In bed last night, before we went to sleep, I was chatting with my hubby. (A hold over from my days of sharing a room with my sister and our never-ending sleepovers.) :)
I said, “I had an amazing realization today, Honey.”
“No offense, but you always have amazing realizations.”
“None taken, I’m more introspective than the average bear.” (That comes with being a writer.) And then I laid it on him, “I’m a problem solver.”
“Yes, you are,” he agreed.
“I like to solve problems. It’s like a puzzle.” He kept listening. “But what if my biggest problem, not getting my work fully produced, went away?”
“That’s an excellent question,” perhaps a little surprised I’d lay it out so bluntly.
“I don’t know who I’d be, I’ve been a problem solver for so long. But wouldn’t it be great if I got my work out there? …but what if it wasn’t good?”
“But, c’mon,” he said, “of course you know your stuff is good.”
And that’s when I had the second epiphany of the day…
We do this, as artists, as women, (and maybe as people… guys, feel free to chime in here… this is an equal opportunity blog) we wait for someone else to tell us our worth — with compliments about our hair or the chicken we just made, with reviews about our art…
So, my husband told me I’m a “good” writer, so what? (He does have to share a bed with me after all…) What is that going to do for me in the grand scheme of things?
He’s someone I love and respect, and it didn’t do much… What if a stranger, even if it’s a theatre critic, tells me my work is good? …or tells me my work is horrible? Am I going to stop creating? It would take more than a speeding Mack truck to stop me…
Because I’ve been in the game for so long now, because I’ve heard a lot of this stuff along the way… I’m finally done ‘waiting for my big break’… waiting for someone to say, “Hey, you know what, you’re pretty damn good.”
I know I am, or I wouldn’t have stuck it out as long as I have.
Now I just have to own it!
–Sue
Add comment December 4th, 2008
